Women: Ask for What You Want, You’re Being Judged Either Way

A Gemisode® Series – Part I

In the workplace, it’s no secret that women often face different expectations and challenges compared to their male counterparts. These double standards not only affect their day-to-day experiences but also their opportunities for advancement and compensation. Despite contributing significantly to their organizations, women are often judged on subjective criteria like personality rather than on objective measures of performance.

During a recent live talk I gave at a large global organization to a group of talented women about negotiations, specifically their relationship with the concept and how that relationship may be holding them back, many shared that they felt uncomfortable negotiating or asking for more, often citing reasons such as, “All my life I’ve been told to be grateful for what is given to me and not to expect more,” or, “The company says it’s under tight restraints, so we should be happy we have jobs.” These sentiments reflect a deeper issue rooted in cultural norms and societal expectations, which discourage women from advocating for themselves. However, this reluctance can have significant consequences for their career progression and overall satisfaction.

The Reality of Workplace Bias

Research consistently shows that women are judged by different standards than men in the workplace. For instance, a recent study found that 76% of high-performing women receive negative feedback compared to just 2% of their male counterparts, according to a report from Textio, a software management company, as highlighted by Fortune. Moreover, while men are typically evaluated based on their work, women are often critiqued based on their demeanor or personality traits, a disparity that can hinder women’s career growth and satisfaction. If we were to then layer on other intersectional identities, the ‘bias-stack’ would be crushing. This type of feedback sends a message that no matter how hard women work or how much they achieve, they will still be judged by subjective standards. This undermines their confidence, damages morale, and continues to drive talented women out of their jobs or keep them from elevating.

Cultural and Societal Expectations

The discomfort with negotiation expressed by many of the women I spoke to is not surprising given the cultural and societal expectations placed on women. This pattern has been consistent throughout my career in corporate settings prior to launching Chapter tOO and continues with my current clients, many of whom are women in leadership. From a young age, women are often taught to be agreeable and accommodating, to avoid being seen as demanding or pushy. In the workplace, these expectations are reinforced, and likeability bias comes into play—where women’s professional behavior is scrutinized based on how likable they are perceived rather than their actual performance. The message is clear: be grateful for what you have, and don’t rock the boat.

However, this mindset does a disservice to women. It keeps them from advocating for themselves and asking for the compensation and recognition they deserve. It also reinforces a cycle of inequality, where women remain underpaid and undervalued because they are hesitant to speak up.

#GemAlert

“73% of employers are open  to negotiating initial job offers, but 55% of workers don’t even try to negotiate.“

 

Statistical Evidence on Negotiation

The statistics paint a clear picture of this challenge. According to CareerBuilder, 73% of employers are open to negotiating an initial job offer, but 55% of workers don’t take advantage of this opportunity. Furthermore, Pew Research reports that 58% of Americans accept their initial job offer without negotiating, despite the fact that 86% of those who do negotiate receive better offers. This reluctance is especially pronounced among women, who may fear being perceived as difficult or ungrateful. Additionally, CNN highlighted that some employers only publish 25-75% of a salary range, suggesting that there is often room for negotiation that goes untapped. These statistics reveal a significant gap between what is possible and what is actually being done. Women who don’t negotiate are likely leaving money and opportunities on the table, further exacerbating existing pay gaps and career stagnation.

The biases and double standards women face in the workplace are significant, but they don’t have to be a roadblock. By understanding these challenges and recognizing the power of negotiation, women can start to change the narrative. In Part II, we will explore practical strategies for how women can leverage negotiation to their advantage, understand their worth, and use storytelling and assertive language to drive impactful conversations. It’s not just about getting what you want, but about advocating for what you deserve.

Want to learn how to better embrace negotiations? Connect with us to learn how our workplace advisory and coaching services can help!